I am the kind who makes resolutions.
Where it gives me a checkpoint, I don’t necessarily include a lot of heavy stuff in there. I try to include completion of journeys I have already embarked on, simpler stuff with one or two major things I wish to accomplish over the year and frankly, even then, I do not intend to beat myself black and blue over them but I like introducing a little method to the madness.
1. I want to start using my electric tooth brush more often.
YES! I bought one on the recommendation of my dentist but always forget in the rush of mornings with a toddler.
2. I want to grow my hair out WHILE keep on getting it trimmed every two months. That’s the plan. Maintain a hairstyle instead of my messy bun.
3. I need to get more serious about working out and continue with my trainer with a renewed vigour. I have kicked it off already a few months ago but travel and life keeps coming in its way. Need to get more focused.
4. For the love of God. Organise pictures. Print good ones and actually think about doing up the interiors of my house. I’m always just working and buying for work et al SO MUCH that it exhausts my personal threshold to shop or even look at anything remotely with the intention of buying. My home is suffering the most. With empty walls and near non existent palettes.
5. Get a proper salon lined up in Lahore. Like actually do the survey and figure out a good place. I can’t keep waiting for my next trip to Karachi and I definitely can’t get spa treatments from beauticians who come home. The quality of service is barbaric to my feet. Must get off Butt and figure this.
6. Think about weaning. Sass will be two years old this year. In many ways she is already receding but in case she isn’t ready by April or mostly weaned, I need to think harder on strategies as much as I hate the idea.
7. Expand the women self care work. It doesn’t earn me much but it is something I absolutely need to work on. It’s just one of those things for me. Logically I make no sense to myself investing energy in such slim margins but here I am. Doing it. So let’s just do it.
8. Figure a hairstyle for Sassi! Goodness what do I do with the mop of hair? I don’t have the heart to cut it, however it keeps bothering her, growing long into her eyes. I do love fun hairstyles for kids but she doesn’t let me make any yet. Decisions decisions. Cut it for now and grow out later when she will probably let me play doll with her?
9. Write some more. And I don’t mean blogging. I have started writing a book or a novel more than once in life and then, it would just fizzle away. I need to revert to writing seriously. Just simply dedicating a time of day to just.write. Whatever comes to mind. Will define direction later. Or perhaps allow direction to find me.
10. Referring to an earlier conversation with a friend, reflecting on my year gone, she said something else too. (Nabila blogs at umbilika and is God’s gift to mothers.)
It TRULY rang a bell for 2019 for me. This is what I need to do.
“Often we extend other people suffering by interfering or trying to fix them.
No one heals fully until they engage with themselves fully. Our sympathy can do the opposite of what’s needed.
It is to step back. And step back”
I have this severe annoyance for stupidity. I’m even more annoyed by non-action, empty small talk and whining. I feel whatever I can do, absolutely anyone can. Why can’t they see logic? It’s the simplest thing to spot. Why are people the way they are? Judgemental, lunatic, bigots, self absorbed, lack of basic logic and sense in life. How do they even live. And I jump in. In true sympathy of showing them the logical view. Which is when their inability to comprehend (aka sheer stupidity) pops up, just to win a conversation or prove their point. Not really listening. Annoying me to the “how can you be so stupid” downward spiral.
So 2019 in addition to 2018’s disengagement from crap, drumrolls in, steering clear of stupid as my husband puts it. “Why bother” he says. He’s right. So is Nibs. No one heals fully unless they engage with themselves fully.
Ringing in 2019 as I disengage with the stupid, love myself some more, travel more with my child, raise her to be nothing like the old me and more like the newer evolved gen 2.0, spread self care for women to the ends of the country before the world, start writing more, and acknowledge the peace in my life without a shred of remorse.
The future is mine if only I put myself first in which there is no shame.